I have realised how much of my identity was tied up in what I did, rather than who I was. So now I don’t have that to hide behind I’ve had to rediscover quite who I am again.
Usually, I would freak out at the prospect of being out of work and I wouldn’t cope but there has been something really liberating about it.
I have surprised myself in how easily I have taken on the housewife role and I don’t use that term in any kind of derogatory manner but despite my love of baking and hosting, I had never thought I would be any good at being a housewife.
I have been job hunting but not with as much vigour as I may have done previously. Not because I don’t want to work, but because I don’t want to be rash and end up working somewhere that swallows up who I am.
Today, I got a call from an agency I actually liked. They specialise in long term and contract placements and I could be as specific as I liked about my requirements. It has made me feel more hopeful about working in the future.
I suppose what I’ve realised is that having a blank page in terms of my work life has meant that I have been able to concentrate on me – the me I am when I’m not doing and I’ve learned to like myself again.
I’m once again excited about the story of my life and writing the next pages, the fear of failure, of other people and of being myself has gone and I feel free to be who I want to be.
It’s almost like one of those mountain top moments where you laugh as the wind whips through your hair and across your face and it’s exilerating – even though it may sound mundane to you, I find my life right now exhilerating because I have left the rat race and had time to realise what living is.
I’m not financially secure, when someone asks about my day I don’t have anything impressive or exciting to tell them but it doesn’t matter anymore… I’m just looking forward to filling the blank pages!