Does your mind ever feel a bit like this picture? Full of so much mess and clutter, there are some beautiful things in there but they are hard to find underneath?
I often feel like this, especially as the pressures of life take old – there seems to be more and more crowding its way in and I struggle to navigate my way through to get to the good stuff.
Things adding to my mind clutter:
I was made redundant in December officially but was not informed of this fact until January. I had been misinformed that my contract had been extended and subsequently worked for four days for nothing. I left work on a Wednesday fully expecting to return the next day and never went back.
This leads to a lack of resolution, the feeling that there is a lose end out there that I cannot tie up and that does not sit well with me. Especially, as I’m a teacher and I didn’t get to tell the students I would never be back.
I have been in touch with colleagues who have informed me that due to the current cuts and money saving exercises two of the previous provisions I worked for are being closed and merging with the primary provision. This has made my heart sink as it means many of my friends will be jobless and many of the teenage students will leave school with no qualifications. This may seem cost effective now but we will be paying for it ten fold in the future.
In terms of looking for another job I am losing faith in the changes being made to the education system and have serious concerns about the streamlining of the curriculum that seems to be on the cards. My only saving grace is that I teach a core subject.
Dysfunctional isn’t even the word. As old as we get and as wise as we become to the state of our family I think there is always a deep desire within us to belong and especially to belong to our family. It is our first community and one that has a strong hold over us regardless of how capable we become of functioning without it.
Despite having looked very closely at the finances and being well aware that we can pay the mortgage and the bills, I am suddenly over conscious of every penny that I spend. I have to mentally justify everything – even buying milk.
I am attempting to maintain contact with my friends at my ex work places without getting involved in al the politics that I am no longer caught up in. This is a delicate balance.
I am more self conscious at the moment as I don’t have a job to hide behind when I am with my friends. It is only now, that I realise how much time people spend talking about work and I cannot join in. Instead, I have to reveal more of myself and that is new, different and at times a little uncomfortable as it means becoming more vulnerable and exposed.
So how do I go about dealing with all of this on a day to day basis without it becoming completely overwhelming?
- Blog – this helps to order my thoughts and once they’re out there, they don’t seem as big or as bad.
- Read – There is something about the escapism of reading that provides respite for me, it also is something that makes me feel calm and centred.
- Talk – Sounds simple but I talk through how I feel with my friends and husband through which ever medium I can, including social media.
- Walk – I used to get really annoyed when people recommended walking for clearing my head but I’m a convert – nothing quite like it especially when the cool air is dancing across your face.
- Coffee shop – There is something about the ambience, the sights, the sounds and the people watching that helps me to settle – perhaps it’s being nosey too!
So what are you attempting to navigate your way through at the moment and what do you do to deal with it?