Yesterday, I said goodbye to my uncle – he was merely 58 years old and died suddenly of a massive heart attack on the 15th December. At his funeral his favourite poem was read. ‘The life that I have is all that I have…’
There was something about it that struck me as well as what was said about him – he lived a full life, he packed a lot into his 58 years – it got me thinking. I’m turning 30 this year and have I packed a lot of life into my years?
I don’t want to sound crass or cliche when I say attending his funeral has made me re assess – it is a culmination of many things. Turning 30, the dysfunctional nature of my family, the threat of redundancy. Let’s call it a bit of a ‘wake-up call’
This morning, I looked at my calendar for January – I have a lot of life booked in for the next few weeks, I added a visit to see my sister in law and niece and nephew and coffee with my stepmum, half sisters and my dad. I was feeling optimistic as if this is was turning point.
Then I received my dad’s response to the invite ‘I’ll try and make it, but I’m really busy all the time.’ who says that kind of thing to their own daughter?
I should perhaps mention at this point that my dad did not attend my uncle’s funeral yesterday, despite it being his brother. I am not one to judge everyone deals with things in their own way but his absence was noted. He missed out. His loss and I’m beginning to feel the same with my life. There are only so many times I can make efforts only to be rebuffed in such a cold and unnecessary way.
I’m going to take a leaf from my uncle’s school of thought ‘The life that I have is all that I have…’ I will build stronger relationships with the family members who want it, I will pack a lot of life into my year and I will smile every day.
My uncle was happily posting photographs on facebook one night and the next morning he was gone, it can be as simple as that, and as sudden as that.
The life that you have is all that you have.